meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
