do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
