Yo dont text me then not text me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
