we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
