it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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