Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
