Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
