I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
