it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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