In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She told me I should be a condom model.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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