I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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