I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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