happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
