so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
