I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
your like the ambassador to my penis.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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