Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
