i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
