im six kinds of drunk right now
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Randomize
