my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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