Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
