Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize