We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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