After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
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I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
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He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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