Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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