I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
