so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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