my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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