Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize