Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
