The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
