Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
