dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
