You made me cry and you don't even care
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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