if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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