I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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