You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Everyone says I win the strip club
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize