I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
