what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
