I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
