i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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