i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
