shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
