they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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