Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've blown a few things in my day
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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