Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
