WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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