I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
