he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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