I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
