So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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