addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
