I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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