Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
