Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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