So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My life is pants optional.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
