she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
