Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish I only lived at night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
