I'm passing your future prison.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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