if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
