my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
