tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
