Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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