My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
