She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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