I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
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just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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