I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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