Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
