I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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