The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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