So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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