you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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