i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
