i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
it's great music for shaving your balls
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
