grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
