I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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