Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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