so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
