I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
