gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
